my ex obviously kind of came out of nowhere so it wasn’t reall
asfdj;alk
right right right rightright right
that’s the whole reason why I wanted to say somwthing in the first place
right
that’s why I was tryng to hang out that week
and uh yeah I mean I feel terrible and its good to know that doesn’t take away any pain ive caused I don’t know theres lots of layers to me an the biggest thing that suchks is obviously that I really valued our friendship and I was in a place where I didn’t kknow how to talk about it and I was trying to figure it out and myself out and I wasn’t easy to talk to you and I was trying to but I n
but I didn’t, she was just positng things on facebook and I ddidn’t want to see that
yeah
could of just talked to you I guess
hed yeah
I wasn’t happy
sadas;ldkfs yeah right right
she with a medium hot drink, he with an iced coffee
yeah times are weird when you get older
yeah
I look back and see things sort of dragged out
yeah
my heads just kind of all over
so yeah Stephanie and I bork up a month ago but I didn’t want you to thinki they broke up now so he’s good enough to talk to now
I didn’t even know that that happened
we kept it kind of hush, obviously she puts a lot more stuff online yeah we obviously weren’t right for eachother and it took awhile to figure that out I guess I wanna is there anything you wanna know from me. I think I owe you that
as;lkdjfas;ldkjf that wasn’t true
and I and I suck at feeling and stuff
the unspoken tension quivers in the air above the small, circular table
you eyaasdhf I could have fooled everybody in my life
for me too I asoifjslk I obviously didn’t’ explain things well to you
did you get rid of your iphone by the way because
oh I had my imessage off and that’s yeah I turned it on every once in a while and then I’d gets stuff from months ago
you didn’t explain it as well as you could have
just thinking back for clarities sake and tring to help you
its nott that I didn’t like you moiré than a friend because obviously I didn’t and I didn’t explain uggh I suck at this
its fine
cuz I mean like part of it was like like I get really scared thinking of like other relationships like haven’t ended well and I haven’t been able to keep and friend and theat was one of my fears and that was te
I get that too
the level of understanding is both polite and aggressive
cuz honsestly I really was I wasn’t thinking I was gonna be dating anyone else and my paino teacher is like hey you need ot meet this girl
I know I read her blog, carl pointed it out to me and I was like hey and so I was well aware of the timeline of events
hhehe yea I haven’t talked to him in awhile
yeah he wanted to go out with me for awhile and I was yeanh and that was part of too and to
to me I thought if we were just friends that if you ment someone we would just compete and everyone else that he was trying to keep both options open
no
and I knew you weren’t taht was who you are
no im not
yeah I was like your biggest defender
and chrismtams you saw me and then later went to be with her and htat made me feel you know and ye idk I got overly involved and obviously you were dating and I read too much ito th
but you kind have to if I don’t tell you
so I d din’t wan tot be pushy about and that’s partially on me to
well and I am athats what sucks because I try I try to please evyone and I don’t think about my self cuz I know its hard to learn through that and the biggest thing I learned thorugh Stephanie is that I was always trying to please and I didn’t’ start off that way but as it went along and my dads a perfectionist and I get a little of that and obviously I
and it tried to keep a friendship
yeah I was sitting at my desk and you where at your desk
yeah and then we’re outside
the biggerst thing was like I didn’t wanto be like oh hey and I didn’t want to be like the carl for lack of a better word
yeah
that’s life and I just kind of gradually figured out andi guess my relationship with god ws kind ofaffected
but she’s all about that
yeah I guess the only way I connected is that I would shut donw somethime and I guess I mean she is she’s very into all that
theres people into her books and its not that shes following Christ but she keeps everything very compartmentalized
eyah
and feeling like a huge donkey and
sexual vibrations wax and wane with a practiced repression as the spiritual element brings about both an understanding of purity with a sudden remembrance of their physicality
hehe yeah and I just
im mean im not trying to makeyou feel I mean ive been not int the exact same situation but I get it
yeah
and Emily called me the day of and she was like iiimm sorry
oh gosh
but then im like you know what this is a good thinkg because if elt for awhile I should say something to you and maybe
and she was like thtats so great you have such a psostive attitude and I thought you were goin to say something
yeah iws going to apolilogize and I was going to write a letter cuz I cant talk this stuff out and then ij was going to a the pizza thing but then my sister
yeah and she was like did you guys talk
ye3ah that helped too cus I knew at elast you weren’t like oh trays gonna be there
even if I was like you, I thought you were gonna do thee choo choo thing and
how far back were the sings
when I was coming down the hill then I knew
theres like a sign but when I was running and that was the handoff point for me and cody and
I was like the only person standing there
and it was reidicuolus because I was teonly one standin around and si wwas like no way no way
really thought it was kind of like cuz they had such a huge lead
cuz I do hope we can talk and do stuff but obviousl y I wan to protect you
the intentionality on all sides was commendable
right and iw was like right
yeah
ill be okay hehe
me too
I guess
kinda wanted to buy youo something
I just tought
cuz I can tplay guitar cuz my fingers cant spread far enough apart
its crazy how fatr the overlap is between string instrumensts assafkjs
the conversation eventually evens out to a casual level, the iphones come out and she shows him a picture of her new cat
Her legs never once uncrossed, his charming boyish smile never wavered.