A Hastily Eavesdropped Conversation Between Two College Students at Starbucks  Matthew Raymond Smith


my ex obviously kind of came out of nowhere so it wasn’t reall


right right right rightright right

that’s the whole reason why I wanted to say somwthing in the first place


that’s why I was tryng to hang out that week

and uh yeah I mean I feel terrible and its good to know that doesn’t take away any pain ive caused I don’t know theres lots of layers to me an the biggest thing that suchks is obviously that I really valued our friendship and I was in a place where I didn’t kknow how to talk about it and I was trying to figure it out and myself out and I wasn’t easy to talk to you and I was trying to but I n

but I didn’t, she was just positng things on facebook and I ddidn’t want to see that


could of just talked to you I guess

hed yeah

I wasn’t happy

sadas;ldkfs yeah right right

she with a medium hot drink, he with an iced coffee

yeah times are weird when you get older


I look back and see things sort of dragged out


my heads just kind of all over


so yeah Stephanie and I bork up a month ago but I didn’t want you to thinki they broke up now so he’s good enough to talk to now

I didn’t even know that that happened

we kept it kind of hush, obviously she puts a lot more stuff online yeah we obviously weren’t right for eachother and it took awhile to figure that out I guess I wanna  is there anything you wanna know from me. I think I owe you that

as;lkdjfas;ldkjf that wasn’t true

and I and I suck at feeling and stuff

the unspoken tension quivers in the air above the small, circular table

you eyaasdhf  I could have fooled everybody in my life

for me too I asoifjslk I obviously didn’t’ explain things well to you

did you get rid of your iphone by the way because

oh I had my imessage off and that’s yeah I turned it on every once in a while and then I’d gets stuff from months ago

you didn’t explain it as well as you could have

just thinking back for clarities sake and tring to help you

its nott that I didn’t like you moiré than a friend because obviously I didn’t and I didn’t explain uggh I suck at this

its fine

cuz I mean like part of it was like like I get really scared thinking of like other relationships like haven’t ended well and I haven’t been able to keep and friend and theat was one of my fears and that was te

I get that too

the level of understanding is both polite and aggressive

cuz honsestly I really was I wasn’t thinking I was gonna be dating anyone else and my paino teacher is like hey you need ot meet this girl

I know I read her blog, carl pointed it out to me and I was like hey and so I was well aware of the timeline of events

hhehe yea I haven’t talked to him in awhile

yeah he wanted to go out with me for awhile and I was yeanh and that was part of too and to

to me I thought if we were just friends that if you ment someone we would just compete and everyone else that he was trying to keep both options open


and I knew you weren’t taht was who you are

no im not

yeah I was like your biggest defender

and chrismtams you saw me and then later went to be with her and htat made me feel you know and ye idk I got overly involved and obviously you were dating and I read too much ito th

but you kind have to if I don’t tell you

so I d din’t wan tot be pushy about and that’s partially on me to

well and I am athats what sucks because I try I try to please evyone and I don’t think about my self cuz I know its hard to learn through that and the biggest thing I learned thorugh Stephanie is that I was always trying to please and I didn’t’ start off that way but as it went along and my dads a perfectionist and I get a little of that and obviously I

and it tried to keep a friendship

yeah I was sitting at my desk and you where at your desk

yeah and then we’re outside

the biggerst thing was like I didn’t wanto be like oh hey and I didn’t want to be like the carl for lack of a better word


that’s life and I just kind of gradually figured out andi guess my relationship with god ws kind ofaffected

but she’s all about that

yeah I guess the only way I connected is that I would shut donw somethime and I guess I mean she is she’s very into all that

theres people into her books and its not that shes following Christ but she keeps everything very compartmentalized


and feeling like a huge donkey and

sexual vibrations wax and wane with a practiced repression as the spiritual element brings about both an understanding of purity with a sudden remembrance of their physicality

hehe yeah and I just

im mean im not trying to makeyou feel I mean ive been not int the exact same situation but I get it


and Emily called me the day of and she was like iiimm sorry

oh gosh

but then im like you know what this is a good thinkg because if elt for awhile I should say something to you and maybe

and she was like thtats so great you have such a psostive attitude and I thought you were goin to say something

yeah iws going to apolilogize and I was going to write a letter cuz I cant talk this stuff out and then ij was going to a the pizza thing but then my sister

yeah and she was like did you guys talk

ye3ah that helped too cus I knew at elast you weren’t like oh trays gonna be there

even if I was like you, I thought you were gonna do thee choo choo thing and

how far back were the sings

when I was coming down the hill then I knew

theres like a sign but when I was running and that was the handoff point for me and cody and

I was like the only person standing there

and it was reidicuolus because I was teonly one standin around and si wwas like no way no way

really thought it was kind of like cuz they had such a huge lead


cuz I do hope we can talk and do stuff but obviousl y I wan to protect you

the intentionality on all sides was commendable

right and iw was like right


ill be okay hehe

me too

I guess

kinda wanted to buy youo something

I just tought

cuz I can tplay guitar cuz my fingers cant spread far enough apart

its crazy how fatr the overlap is between string instrumensts assafkjs

the conversation eventually evens out to a casual level, the iphones come out and she shows him a picture of her new cat


Her legs never once uncrossed, his charming boyish smile never wavered.